English Premiership Preview - Everton v Newcastle United

October 5th, 2008

So what’s next for the drama surrounding and unfolding at the Magpies? Hmm, even Everton seems to want to follow us into the act, with their shambolic defending and David Moyes doing a cloaked version of Rafael Benitez moaning a lack of transfer activity at the club as the cause for their current lack of quality. At least we appeared to do a little better in that department with Danny Guthrie, Jonas Gutierrez and Fabricio Coloccini coming in. They did look good at the start when Keegan was still around, y’know.

Joe enacted his own version of helicopter sh*t flying in a room when he tore a roomful of media scribes up for their lack of respect since his arrival. The man’s pretty damn smart if you ask me. Deflecting all the attention off his players onto him, what a way to win their respect and affection. The players who used to play under him have come out in support of the guy - surely he must be some good. The first reaction was surprise, but now I can only smile and feel that Dennis Wise might have made one good move at least.

Last thing for Joe to do has to be getting a good result against Everton. We’re in a mess, but so are they. We can’t defend, so can’t Everton. Not much difference except that we got into a mess without a proper manager, Everton got into theirs even with a bloody good one. Speaks volumes when David Moyes would stay at Everton instead of Newcastle United where we are a sleeping giant. The Toffeemen have won more in recent memory but we have more passionate fans.

But back to some positives, hopefully. Our England striker Owen has promised a fighting display by the team today, with some encouragement from Joe. It took a long while for them to realise that that was to be the basic requirement to play for us. Better late than never, as they say. Personally, we hope that Danny Guthrie will make a difference with him coming back. At least stay long enough on the field, which he did in the earlier games and provided a better dimension than what Smith ever did. A lot will be determined from our wings, which will be needed for Owen to shine and nick a goal or two again. Looking for N’Zogbia to do some damage on the left, and for him to stretch the shaky back four of Everton.

We should be able to get something out of the game - Everton dynamo Tim Cahill will be missing through suspension, and that is a huge blow for them. With his absence, expect Butt and Guthrie to get a foothold during the game and boss things around in the middle of the park. That’s the way to win for us now, and Newcastle United seriously have a chance in the game. At least they shouldn’t have the Toon Army tearing their hair out again with a limpless display in this Everton match against Newcastle United with live streaming. Even if we were to lose yet again, make us happy with some spirit and fight.

Kinnear Arrives To Empty Training Ground Newcastle Farce Continues

September 30th, 2008

It looks like there will be no end to the farce that is enveloping Newcastle United, as it emerged today that Joe Kinnear, the interim Newcastle manager, arrived at the club’s training ground for his first day with the squad, only to find it empty. This follows revelations that he was not even received by any club executives on the day he arrived in Newcastle to be unveiled as the caretaker manager. It appears that no one, not even the owner Mike Ashley, is interested anymore in the club’s affairs, and Kinnear might be laughing all the way to the bank now, with one last huge payday before a possible retirement. Coco the Clown? Looks like the joke’s on the Magpies instead. Continue reading »

Where’s Shearer When You Need Him?

September 24th, 2008

Long time self professed fan and lover of Newcastle United, the great Alan Shearer has always maintained that he would, one day, like to return to the club in a management role. However, he has always avoided us like the plague, which some might fully understand since the club is perpetually in turmoil. But why not grab the opportunity to take the club over, consortium or otherwise, and change it from the ground up?

We know why. Because it is a tough job, and Shearer, no matter how much he might love the club, does not want to spend another half century of his life showing that he truly loves Newcastle United. When you’re rich, been there, done that, why bother doing it all over again when you can sit in a comfy little lounge and criticise the club instead, whilst maintaining what should be done instead to revive it. Shearer isn’t silly. Why risk his reputation as a legend, unlike Keegan who allows his heart to rule his head so often and has been exposed countless times for being quite clueless as a manager.

But Shearer could still do it differently. Just buy the club over and put a new structure in place. Get rid of hanger ons. Be ruthless.

There’s another problem with that though. Newcastle United fans will go up in arms and turn on him when he does that. Because it will hurt egos, and hurt fans who are over sentimental and quite frankly, deluded. They want success, but not at the cost of running the club properly, as a business. Just look at what happened to Mike Ashley (not that he was doing it well - might have been better if he did not show his love for Dennis Wise so openly).

So what’s next for us as a club? At the present moment, it really depends on who is willing to buy us over. And whether they know what to do with a football club. It sure wouldn’t be Alan Shearer.

Carling Cup Preview - Newcastle United vs Spurs

September 24th, 2008

Looks like we’re finally going to have a good game tonight when we tune in to the live match. Our very own Oba(ma) Martins is primed for his comeback and it would be wise to stick him in the lineup from the start, fit or otherwise. With him and Owen playing for us, Spurs has no chance in hell of keeping a clean sheet, especially since that Gomes is proving to have taken some tips from Paul Robinson prior to joining the (sinking) Spanish Armada under Ramos.

Good thing Smith and Barton are both out of the game. Really useless players and waste of money. What we really need now is for Gutierrez and Guthrie to be back, although the latter might turn into another Barton if they become pally too soon. Owen is at least scoring once again, and doesn’t look like he is really upset with Keegan’s departure. He’s still collecting mega paychecks anyway, so what’s the fuss?

Here’s what he said: “We all liked Kevin Keegan and we were sad to see him go. We are all feeling it at the moment - but we have got to snap out of the doom and gloom and try and get some confidence and results, and at the minute, not picking up the results is hurting the players.”

Then he goes on to say: “You almost become immune to these happenings in football nowadays and I have seen plenty in my time. I had three managers in the space of a few months at Real Madrid. It’s unfortunate but that’s the way it goes. But players are paid to play and we have got to go out there and perform.”

So make up your mind Owen.

When Keegan was here, the results weren’t all that great anyway. Yeah, he did save us from the drop, but hardly anything else. And his faith in players like Barton and Smith should be questioned. Ok, you got us. We aren’t really keen on Keegan as the man to bring us success. In fact, it’s good to see him go, although we wouldn’t have mind Ashley and Wise following him out the door either. Give us some really rich sheik instead, and even Claudio Ranieri could do a better job than the Messiah.

As for Spurs, nothing much to say about them except that we hope they’ll join us in the Championship next season. They looked horrible against Wigan and the players just aren’t responding to Ramos. Maybe he should have stuck to Spanish on the training ground.

We truly suck at the moment, but we still have faith in us. Five four to Newcastle United, with an Owen hattrick and Martins to weigh in with a single on his return.

Welcome to Toon Army Scribes!

September 24th, 2008

We were told that this was the usual practice, so… Welcome to Toon Army Scribes! We will be reporting on the latest news on Newcastle United FC, the greatest English football club in the world, riding high in the English Premiership at the moment (in our dreams, partly). Most of the time we are fair on the club and players, but sometimes we can see the reality from the dreamy bits, unlike some of our fellow Magpies fans who choose to still call our beloved club a ’sleeping giant’.

The fact is, we have not won a single trophy since… more than half a century ago?

Right, so, now, off to another season of great joy, lowest depression and incredible drama and excitement both on and off the pitch. Can Newcastle United finally win a trophy this season? Will we challenge Manchester United and Liverpool for the title? Or should we now prepare to play the likes of Birmingham City (no chance of promotion) and Leeds United (yes they will be there) next season?